Why Nalanda is Full of Fail

INTRODUCTION

(This is Episode 2 of Better Know A Liberal Failure. Episode 1 was “Why Sumaira is Full of Fail“)

Nalanda (pronounced “fay – uhl”) is a former member of the International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme. She dropped out of the programme after the first month because she was unable to deal with the stress of 3 simple HL and 3 simple SL classes. The following photo summarizes the failful attributes of Nalanda:

Figure 1: Nalanda in her natural environment

As Abraham Lincoln would say:

The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget how Nalanda failed here.

ACADEMICS

Nalanda was unable to obtain her high school diploma in this academic semester due to the numerous failures that she had committed over the course of the year. Despite being enrolled in the IB programme, she successfully failed every assessment in all classes by not even showing up to any IB class. This meant that she successfully obtained the prestige mark of 0% in all IB classes.

This chronic problem likely results from her familiarity with academic failure; unfortunately, such a problem cannot be prevented or treated if a person like Nalanda is affected with it because she is beyond saving.

The only class that she has completed in her high school career is Food Studies, which is important for her permanent career. Besides food studies, she also enrolled in Chemistry HL, English HL, History of the Americas HL, Maths SL, French SL and Biology SL. Like Sumaira, she has been predicted for a 0/45 for her diploma.

EMPLOYMENT

Nalanda has never been employed at a job because all of her applications have been rejected due to her Fail Factor — she is classified as Very High Risk.

EXTRACURRICULAR

Nalanda participates in very few extracurricular activities. She is passively involved in choir as she pretends to sing when others are singing; this singing failure has given her a couple of extra credits at school. One wonders how she could even pass voice checks if she is too fail to sing.

She also happens to be the debate partner of Rabba Sumaira. Both were recently defeated at the Provincial Primary Schools Debate Tournament after receiving speaker scores of 5/100 (points were awarded for not fainting). Although the resolutions were trivial, they were still violently defeated by children under the age of 10.

When she’s not at school, Nalanda exercises by standing next to an oven. She is too fail to obtain a membership to Curves, so instead she scientifically determined that standing next to an oven would increase her muscle mass and density while reducing her copious amounts of adipose tissue. So far her experiments have resulted in epic failure.

PHOTOS

These photos visually depict the extent of Nalanda’s fail.

This photo was taken on the second last day of Calculus, the only day when she showed up in Calculus. Notice the hideous flower drawn in the right side by Nalanda and her failed image of Xuehai on the left.

Nalanda wanted to stage a shot for her relatives so it looked like she revised a lot, so she stole all of my revision notes to make it seem like she had a huge stack of binders (those are definitely all mine). The cat in the middle is Huckle, an intelligent citizen who is more intelligent than Nalanda; I reckon the cat did all of Nalanda’s elementary school homework.

This is Nalanda’s brain — a blank page.

QUOTES

The failful Nalanda has been behind such fail poems as:

I gazed once on a lonely girl and thought
on the way in which she held close in her hand
…a simple, lovely bloom, a lonely strand
of blooms once live. She sighed and sobbed and sought
to keep the flow’r from fading. It had been bought
and to her given by an insensitive man
who left her all alone. Her every tear gland
emptied and dried – crying for him – distraught.
As i thought about this lonely girl, I knew
our love is more than a daisy pair
a whisper of cool wind or drops of dew
and relished in the eternity we share.
My love, I will always be here for you-
no matter where you go, I will be there.

Nalanda on the fail conception event that led to her pregnancy…