Why Sumaira is Full of Fail

INTRODUCTION

Sumaira is a Grade 12 International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme drop-out at Campbell. At school, her name is synonymous with fail because of her inability to avoid fail. She is also the only Justin Bieber fan in the entire school, which increases her capacity for fail. Evidently, she is full of fail.

As President Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said:

There is nothing to fear but Sumaira’s face.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown once said:

Sumaira’s face is fail.
Sumaira’s existence is fail.
Sumaira’s soul is non-existent.

 Even famous politicians agree with this assertion.

ACADEMICS

Although the IB coordinator tried to prevent her from registering in the Diploma Programme, Sumaira with her infinite capacity for fail managed to do so. This has created a net loss for the school as the school has to pay the IB money for her to fail all of her exams with 0/7.

She registered in English HL, History HL, Chemistry HL, Maths SL, French SL and Biology SL, but has yet to complete any of the Internal Assessments. Apparently, she tried to compose a 20 word World Literature paper for English, but gave up after the 5th word because it was “too hard”. She has also failed to complete the Extended Essay and CAS hours. She never attended a Theory of Knowledge class.

Therefore, one can arrive at the conclusion that she will be the first Diploma candidate in the school (perhaps the province) to obtain a 0/45 on July 6th.

EXTRACURRICULAR

Despite her capacity for fail, Sumaira is actively involved in intense activities, such as sitting, eating fattening foods, not doing homework, listening to fail music, and avoiding people.

She has somehow made it into debate, and proceeded to a so-called “National Debate Championship” but we all know that is a complete lie. When she debated against my partner and me, we had to restrain ourselves to avoid crushing her too much in debates on issues like conscription, foreign aid and nuclear energy. Her arguments were flawed, not supported and full of logical fallacies.

She is also involved in fail activities such as choir, in which she pretends to sing by opening her mouth at the correct time. Thankfully, she has been unable to fool the choir teacher judging by the 14.56% she recently obtained for choir.

PHOTOS

This is a fail photo that Sumaira recently took at her so-called “Debate Championship”. Only a failful person would take a picture of a door at a hotel while they were supposedly in another city.

Only a fail person would attempt to take a picture of shadows that clearly failed. This was supposed to be a “heart”, but evidently it is a mangled critter with deformities.

QUOTES

June 8th 2010 – A horrible poem written to her so-called debate partner:

BARBERRRR
You are a marvel
You make me squirm in my seat
…Because you smell like wheat (GET IT??? BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN SK?!?)
And when life throws lemons my way
I know you will help me make lemonade
(because we all know that if i tried alone,
my house and probly my head would be gone)
And when i look at your prettyful face
it makes me want to sing this:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Oh my other half
You’re kinda a babe.

Yeah, it makes sense. thats what i thought. Aiiight imma go do something with my life now. PEACE OUT SHINDIG ♥

She is clearly undermining the fundamental pinnings of English poetry. Facepalm.

May 26th 2010 – Sumaira’s Facebook status:

Course registration is a pain when you don’t know your major.

The ironic thing is that she will not graduate from high school, which makes her ineligible for university. FAIL.

April 14th 2010 – Sumaira’s Facebook status:

has successfully managed to not complete her third mock final in a row. Eff. Em. Ell.

Only a person full of fail would be unable to complete a simple IB mock final designed for student success.

ADDITIONAL FAIL FROM SUMAIRA

Amusing MSN Conversations

Compilation of Sketchy Conversations

Intelligence Reports from the Kitchen

CONCLUSION

Sumaira is undoubtedly full of fail. There is no such thing as fail as Sumaira. She is the epitome of fail.

EVALUATION

No evaluation is needed because no experimental error is possible when analyzing a failful person such as Sumaira. There were no mistakes in this analysis because experimental errors only occur when a person who is full of fail does the experiment. I am not full of fail, therefore this experiment has no error.