(Source: Wikipedia)
As I’ve noted in previous blog posts (blog post 1 and blog post update), Taras and I were defeated in our audacious bid for graduation MCs (master of ceremonies). It was a fierce battle, but unfortunately we were unable to prevail over the forces of Deanna and Joran (it was a close battle though!). I must extend our congratulations to them for fighting over this popular position.
Nevertheless, I have decided to post Taras’s epic appeal to the Grade 12 electorate on the night before the election. This piece is a piece to be remembered for all of eternity. There are no words that can describe how epic it is.
Here it is:
Friends, Citizens, Tartans, and Countrymen, lend me your ears as I explain why you should elect me and Brian as Grad Banquet MC’s!
As the Class of 2010, I encourage you to define yourself in a truly exceptional manner, to make yourself as distinct from every graduating class that preceded and will follow you as possible. To do this, every detail must be reflective of the Spirit of 2010 which you have defined. The position of MC is important to this, as it sets the mood for this ceremony; therefore, I ask that you elect me and Brian as representatives of this atmosphere.
In electing us, you will have two truly exceptional speakers that proclaim their hardest moral convictions with every fibre of their beings, be it through speech or Facebook trolling. You will have one speaker whose voice can be heard loud and clear across a room without a microphone, and another speaker who will infuse the ceremony with the Zionist spirit essential to success. We promise dark humour, powerful voices, and pompous and important-sounding introductions. We shall conclude the 2009-2010 School Year with a banquet that will make you inspired to support the causes of socialism, elitism, and Confederatism. WE SHALL INTRODUCE AT LEAST ONE POLITICAL JOKE PER INTRODUCTION, AND THEY SHALL BE SOMEWHAT FUNNY AND RECOGNIZABLE!
Therefore, I ask you, vote for individuality; vote for freedom of expression; vote for dark, satirical humour; vote for life, liberty, and the pursuits of happiness and outrageous one-liners; VOTE BRIAN AND TARAS AS GRAD BANQUET MC’S!
This appeal was so effective that it even allowed us to gain support from students at other high schools!
If you are running for grad MC, study this epic appeal carefully and you will undoubtedly achieve epic success.
If I could have voted, I would have voted for you guys.
Sigh.
With an appeal like that, it only goes to show how full of fail the Campbell population is. -facepalm-