Parody of “Death of a Salesman” by Arthur Miller.
Erich as Charley
Linda = generic Diploma candidate
Taras as Biff
Xuehai as Happy
Colby as Bernard
Brian as Willy
ERICH: It’s getting dark, Linda.
Linda doesn’t react. She stares at the grave.
TARAS: How about it, Linda? Better get some rest, huh? They’ll be closing the gate soon.
Linda makes no move. Pause.
XUEHAI, deeply angered: He had no right to do that. There was no necessity for it. We would’ve helped him.
ERICH, grunting: Hmmm.
TARAS: Come along, Linda.
LINDA: Why didn’t anybody come?
ERICH: It was a very nice funeral.
LINDA: But where are all the Diploma candidates? Maybe they blame him.
ERICH: Naa. It’s a rough world, Linda. They wouldn’t blame him.
LINDA: I can’t understand it. During March Madness especially. First time in our IB careers we were just about free and clear. He only needed a little time. He was even finished with this Oral Commentary.
ERICH: No Diploma candidate only needs a little time.
LINDA: I can’t understand it.
TARAS: There were a lot of nice days. In Pope Todd’s class; or on half days, studying; finishing the Extended Essay; handing in the TOK essay; when he wrote both World Lits; and finished the Bio IA. You know something, Erich, there’s more of him in that TOK essay than in all the assignments he ever completed.
ERICH: Yeah. He was a happy man with a batch of homework.
LINDA: He was so wonderful with Microsoft Office.
TARAS: He had the wrong dreams. All, all, wrong.
XUEHAI, almost ready to fight Taras: Don’t say that!
TARAS: He never knew who he was.
ERICH, stopping Xuehai’s movement and reply. To Taras: Nobody dast blame the man. You don’t understand: Brian was a Diploma candidate. And for a Diploma candidate, there is no rock bottom to the life. He don’t put a bolt to a nut, he don’t tell you the law or give you medicine. He’s a man way out there in the academic world, riding on a smile and a shoeshine. And when they start not smiling back–that’s an earthquake of homework. And then you get yourself a couple of spots on your Internal Assessment record, and you’re finished. Nobody dast blame this man. A Diploma candidate is got to dream, boy. It comes with the IB learner profile.
TARAS: Erich, the man didn’t know who he was.
XUEHAI, infuriated: Don’t say that!
TARAS: Why don’t you come with me, Xuehai?
XUEHAI: I’m not licked that easily. I’m staying right in this school, and I’m gonna beat this IB madness! He looks at Taras, his chin set. The March Madness Brothers!
TARAS: I know who I am, kid.
XUEHAI: All right, boy. I’m gonna show you and everybody else that Brian did not die in vain. He had a good dream of 35/45 for his Diploma. It’s the only dream you can have–to come out above the world average. He fought it out here, and this is where I’m gonna win it for him.
TARAS, with a hopeless glance at Xuehai, bends toward his friend: Let’s go, Linda.
LINDA: I’ll be with you in a minute. Go on, Erich. He hesitates. I want to, just for a minute. I never had a chance to say good-by.
Erich moves away, followed by Xuehai. Taras remains a slight distance up and left of Linda. She sits there, summoning herself. The flute begins, not far away, playing behind her speech.
LINDA: Forgive me, fellow Diploma candidate. I can’t cry. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t cry. I don’t understand it. Did the aspirin lab burn away the surface layer of my eye? Why did you ever do that? Help me, comrade. I can’t cry. It seems to me that you’re just doing another assignment. I keep expecting your essay draft. Brian, I can’t cry. Why did you do it? I search and search and I search, and I can’t understand it. I finished my last IB exam today. Today. And there’ll be nobody left in Diploma to celebrate this victory with. A sob rises in her throat.We’re free and clear from IB. Sobbing more fully, released: We’re free. Taras comes slowly toward her. We’re free… we’re free…
Taras lifts her to her feet and moves out up right with her in his arms. Linda sobs quietly. Colby and Erich come together and follow them, followed by Xuehai. Only the music of the flute is left on the darkening stage as over the house the hard towers of Cardiff, Wales rise into sharp focus, and
The Curtain Falls