Grad Defeat

Unfortunately, we lost.

Despite our best efforts to cast ourselves as defenders of the proletariat, vanquishers of the elite, protectors for the living wage, guardians of the socially disenchanted, liberators, and patriotic Republicans, Taras and I were recently defeated in our audacious campaign for MC.

It was a good campaign that started less than a day before the actual election.

Unfortunately, it would appear that some of our key demographics, such as the sketchy IB vote, didn’t show up to their polling stations at the needed time. This deprived us of our core constituency and limited the wave of support for our campaign.

Nevertheless, I think we can console ourselves with the 15 actual voters in our Facebook group out of a potential 300.

Best of luck to Joran and Deanna!

Thus, if you are running for MC next year, here are some election tips:

• Find out who is running.
• Convince the people who are running to vote for you.
• Start your campaign weeks before the election.
• Ensure that your GOTV (get out the vote) operations are successful; if people need rides to school, provide them with speedy transportation.
• Blitzkrieg Facebook with campaign messages.
• Wander the halls looking for voters and convince them why they should vote for you.
• Do frequent polling of the student body to find out which demographics you need to target.
• Campaign as a defender of the proletariat.
• Talk to people with funny accents.
• Hijack the school announcements and post campaign messages.
• Convince people in your homeroom to vote for you.
• Create campaign posters and videos.
• Obtain campaign merchandise, like t-shirts.
• Be friendly and approachable.
• Do not yell at people who criticize you.
• Do not appear elitist.
• Do not appear to be too sketchy.
• Do not anger too many people.
• Do not confuse people with political/science jokes. (ie. You’re so hot you denature my enzymes, etc, etc)
• Do not anger your Significant Other prior to the campaign.
• Ensure that you are in the vote counting office on election day to prevent vote rigging.
• Pray for divine intervention.